The secrets to senior sexual satisfaction may surprise you. They don’t involve erection-enhancing drugs, sexual enhancement products, specific moves or some special fountain of youth secret. Research has found that optimal, memorable sex involves none of that and a whole lot more. A study in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality interviewed married couples over age 60, finding that the following made for the best sex of their lives:
- Feeling present, focused, and in the body – lovers reported being totally into the moment.
- Connection, alignment, merger, being in sync – partners felt deeply connected, becoming one and synchronous with the alignment of their energies.
- Deep sexual and erotic intimacy, including caring, deep mutual respect, admiration, and true acceptance of the other.
- Super communication and heightened empathy. Partners could read their lover’s bodily responses, picking up on non-verbals in every way.
- Real, uninhibited, genuine, transparent interactions, with one’s ability to become emotionally naked, share freely, and feel unselfconscious vital.
- Vulnerability and surrender, with lovers exposing themselves to ultimately penetrate each other’s souls.
- Transcendence, bliss, peace, transformation, healing, with sex becoming a state of soulful, timeless exultation.
- Exploration, interpersonal risk-taking, fun, with sex a light-hearted adventure.
Maintaining an active, thriving sex life as a senior is further possible when couples incorporate a number of key strategies to combating issues that can sideline their sexual pursuits, amongst them:
- Embracing your body. It’s not fair to yourself or your lover to compare yourselves to your younger selves or to younger lovers. You need to accept your appearance and abilities, lest you be left nothing but sexually dissatisfied.
- Recognizing that getting older doesn’t mean the end of sex. Yes, poor health and the side effects of medications can get in the way of being sexually intimate in many ways. So it’s important to talk to your doctor about what to expect, sexually speaking, in getting older and maintaining your health. Remember, knowledge is power!
- Not giving too much weight to any physical losses. The emotional and relationship qualities of your relationship are the ones that ultimately enhance your sexual response. Don’t discount these, especially in putting all of your expectations on what can – or can’t – be done physically.
- Being physically affectionate on a regular basis. Seniors with higher relationship satisfaction report greater frequencies of kissing, hugging, and sexual touch.
- Staying healthy, exercising and watching what you eat. Also, avoid smoking, abusing legal including prescription) and illegal drugs, or drinking excessive amounts of alcohol.
- Not buying into the myths, stigmas, and negative societal beliefs that older people themselves believe when it comes to senior sex. Many think that they are incapable of having sex or that sexual expression isn’t natural or healthy for seniors. Au contraire!
- Staying socially connected and active, making attempts to counter any negative societal myths or stigmas around senior sex. You’re very capable of expressing your sexuality. It’s perfectly normal and natural to do so. Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back!
- Experimenting. Try new positions for greater comfort, e.g., side by side. Test out different sex toys, especially vibrators for his and her pleasuring, since these gadgets can offer more direct and intense arousal for more sensation and excitement.
It’s important to note that optimal sex can be experienced despite lovers not always reaching climax. The best sex isn’t physiologically-based, rather a total mind-body-soul experience. Finally, amazing sex can be had as you get older or find yourself dealing with a disability or chronic illness. The best sex really boils down to one’s mind set and allowing yourself to become sexually satisfied, beyond the mechanics, in more than one way.