What sets our sex and sexuality apart from every other animal on the planet is the involvement of our mind and every aspect of our person, not just our bodies. This means that our sexual activity is much more complex because it exists on many levels - our physical being, our personality, our intellect, our wants and desires, our creativity, and our memories and dreams. Our capacity for satisfaction, then, also exists on all of these levels, which involves our minds even more than our bodies. The involvement of our mind and positive mental stimulation leads to a healthy, vibrant, and active sex life with greater stimulation and satisfaction that can endure over time.
Although we are biologically programmed for sex, our mind plays a huge role in directing our sexual activity. The type of partner we look for, the type of activity that excites us, and how comfortable we feel around our sexual activity all have to do with our mind. Even our ability to get sexually aroused is, for the most part, controlled by our mind, because we respond positively to those activities, scenarios, and interactions that we already define as 'exciting' or 'sexy', while we turn off to things we find distasteful, rude, or ridiculous. Knowing ourselves and how our mind works to enhance our sex life can be very useful in creating a sex life that is fun, stimulating, exciting, and continuously interesting.
The mental part of sex happens long before there is any physical contact. As we are going through our day, any thoughts we have about sex or sensuality contribute to our mental stimulation for sex. We may start to plan how we would like our next sexual encounter to be like, or think about the exciting aspects of our last sexual encounter. By doing this, we are priming our brains to have pleasure with our partner by enhancing the positive aspects in the way we think about our sex life and our sexual activity with them. We may think of different scenarios that we have had, or those that we would like to try, which increases our interest, motivation, and and level of excitement.
Actually, studies have shown that oftentimes the anticipation of something can be just as pleasurable or more that an activity itself. The way this works is because our mind gets a great deal of enjoyment from imaging the ideal situation - the most desirable touch, the most exciting surroundings, the most stimulating interactions. Knowing how to make the most of this mental stimulation helps heighten this pleasure for ourselves, contributing to a more exciting sex life with our partners. As we explore the mental stimulation aspect of our sexuality, we also learn about our own sexuality and its depth and complexity.
Of course, mental stimulation plays a huge role in the actually moment of sexual contact. How we think about sex and what we choose to focus on can be the difference between experiencing anxiety, detachment, and disappointment, or experiencing delight, intense excitement, and intense pleasure. Something as simple as focusing our attention on what physically feels good at the moment, or how our partner is responding or aroused heightens our own arousal and brings us closer to ecstasy. On the other hand, if we can only focus on getting to orgasm, or are more outside of ourselves with worries and doubts, it cuts into our the flow of sexual arousal and distracts us from our sexual activity. It is the difference between using our minds to get lost in the moment, and using our mind to take us away from the full experience of sex.